UK Troops to Sneak Out of Iraq

Tony Blair unveils his master plan to disengage from Iraq

London, England. (In fact quite a cosy office in London, England. Not that we're implying anything)

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UK Prime Minister Tony Blair has announced the UK's plan for 'gradual disengagement' from Iraq.

"It's proving really hard to, you know, pull our troops out. I wanted them just to announce their retirement, and hope the militants would leave them alone, but apparently that only works if you're the PM. So it's Plan B. We're going to sneak our soldiers out by hiding them underneath sheep. It's from this great story I read once in my private school.

"This giant had the argonauts prisoner in a cave, but he only had one eye or something - tell the truth, I wasn't paying too much attention, Bingo Carmichael was flicking bogies - anyway, the argonauts hid under the sheep and the giant let them escape.

"It's a brilliant plan, and could work really well given the poor standard of optometry in Iraq. Tell the truth, the place is too bloody dangerous for the 7,500 troops stationed there, so gradually reducing our numbers until it's just a few of the northern kids left behind should work really well.

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Some commentators have suggested that an environment which is too hot for 7,500 troops might become even more dangerous for a smaller force, but the Prime Minister was unrepentant.

"Look, these lads knew what they were getting into. Operation 'Last One Out Gets To Wear The Bodybag' is a precisely calibrated military operation. If only we'd had more time we could have genetically engineered giant sheep, which would have been far safer. John Prescott wants to carry on with the genetic modification because one sheep is never quite enough, but hey, that's John.

"What matters now is the legacy. I need those boys out of there and some decent headlines again before I start my US speaking engagements tour, otherwise, well, frankly it mightn't go so well. And there's Iran to think about. Now that we've brought stability and peace to the entire Middle East region, we're going to need a shitload of troops to invade Iran and stop those mad bastards from nuking every last one of us.

"I wonder what happened to old Bingo Carmichael? Must look him up now I'm getting some time off