Less Intelligent Design

Intelligent Design Supplemented by “Slightly Foolish Design”

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President Bush’s prestigious Panel on Scientific Interpretation (PSI) has announced an update to the theory of Intelligent Design (ID), which has made such a strong contribution to the intellectual tradition within America's schools.

“Intelligent Design works, because it explains what science cannot” said Harold Flumberger, of the PSI. “But some schoolchildren have been asking difficult questions, such as ‘why do people get cancer?’ and ‘why are black people so much better at boxing than white people?’ It’s important to adapt Intelligent Design to account for these apparent anomalies. After all, Christianity is the new science, and we have standards to uphold”.

‘Slightly Foolish Design’ (SFD) is a refinement of the highly successful Intelligent Design, and explains why some of God’s works are flawed.

“God, Himself, is perfect”, says Flumberger. “We’re clear on that one. But His works don’t have to be perfect – not if it isn’t His will. For example, He has chosen to limit the quantity of gasoline available to the human race. This takes some explaining – clearly, it is our divine right to drive where we want to, using whatever size Goddamn engine we please – you see where I’m going here? Some of God’s intentions are pretty difficult to understand. I guess that’s why He’s God, and we’re just people.

“For a while, Christian theologians just accepted that His will is not for us mortals to understand. But now, with the updating of ID to incorporate SFD, we can take a more informed view. Some of nature is just plain foolish. Probably designed at the end of a shift, or when God was a bit tired. Look at your knees! What a shit design! And pubic hair – what’s so intelligent about that? Has God never heard of shaven havens? And don’t get me started on the appendix . . .”

The new doctrine of Divine Stupidity is still considered controversial, although President Bush is said to find the idea “strangely comforting”.

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